1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,720
KNOCKING ON DOOR

2
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,160
Mum?

3
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,040
Mum?

4
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,440
KNOCKING ON WINDOW

5
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,400
Mum!

6
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:25,120
Mum?  Michael?
What are you doing here?

7
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,040
I need a go on Linda.
Where is she?

8
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,480
She's charging in the living room.

9
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,680
Is everything all right?  Er...

10
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,760
No. There's an Open Mic night
at the shop to support artists

11
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,360
doing new songs.

12
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,480
I put my name down...
Good for you!

13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,880
Well, Renee's always talking about
following your passion, pushing

14
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,840
past your comfort zone, how Chris is
always achieving all of his dreams.

15
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:55,560
Hello, Michael!  Jesus! Well,
the thing is, my songs are...shit.

16
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,440
They're shit and stupid.
Then you should cancel.

17
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,160
I'm not cancelling!
This is my dream!

18
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,680
Then you should follow your dream.

19
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:07,360
Look, OK, Linda, I need you
to sort me

20
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,760
an original composition that has
"hit" written all over it.

21
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,280
I can do that for you, Michael.

22
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,360
BLEEPS
I have sorted you out an original composition

23
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,560
with "hit" written all over it.

24
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,800
I will email you the music
and lyrics.

25
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,520
Wow!

26
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:35,840
Amazing! OK, I've got to get
to work! Wish me luck!

27
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:40,800
Best of luck, Michael,
pursuing the dream of a lifetime.

28
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,280
SUE CHUCKLES QUIETLY

29
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:47,080
I thought before we get the onions,
we could call at the British Legion.

30
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,560
Repetitive routines are unhealthy.

31
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,120
Perhaps today,
we could do something different.

32
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,000
Sorry, I didn't know my life
was so boring.

33
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,720
Yes, it is.

34
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,880
I was being sarcastic.

35
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,600
You could try Senior Puzzle Club.

36
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:06,160
Try what?  Senior Puzzle Club is
where elderly can socialise

37
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,760
and do simple puzzles, to slow
deterioration of brain function.

38
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:10,800
Linda...

39
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,880
..if you ever take me
to Senior Puzzle Club,

40
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,960
I will personally pour yoghurt
into your circuits!

41
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,160
Understood?

42
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,760
You will personally pour yoghurt
into my circuits.

43
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,040
Understood.

44
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,360
Maybe we could do something
that you have never done.

45
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,080
OK. Well I've never gone
scuba-diving in the Maldives,

46
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,720
I've never flown first class
on an aeroplane,

47
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,360
I've never made love to anyone
apart from my husband.

48
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:47,360
But I'm 80, so the chances of any
of that happening are nil.

49
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,680
This question has made you angry.

50
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,720
Yeah, well, it was
a stupid question!

51
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,560
I will ask a new question.

52
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,680
Would you like to make love to
someone other than your husband?

53
00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,560
God, no! I'm not a floozy!

54
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,320
Unlike my daughter-in-law.

55
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,360
Ha-ha-ha. Good one, Sue.

56
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,880
Hello, Phyllis, Jeffrey.

57
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,000
Hello, Linda.

58
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,920
Nice lamp.  This?

59
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:21,560
This is for one of our rentals
that needs rewiring to meet

60
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,840
"fire safety requirements".

61
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,800
Honestly, we lose money
being landlords.

62
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,480
Why don't you stop being landlords?

63
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,560
Her problem solving capacity
is incredible.

64
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,280
That's real lateral thinking,
Linda, that.

65
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:39,440
You are welcome.  We are actually
downsizing our portfolio.

66
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,400
We've just closed on one
of those pokey little terraces

67
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,720
on Portman Road...

68
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,200
That's where I live.

69
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,520
Well, it's taking off,
the gays are moving in!

70
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,520
You're soon going to have
a cheesemonger's.

71
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,400
Gay people eat cheese.

72
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,480
We'd best be off, we haven't even
started to pack for Dorset.

73
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,680
Doing anything fun today?

74
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,680
I'll probably go shopping
and then make a casserole.

75
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:03,760
Aw...

76
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,200
Oh, Sue, you're missing
an earring.

77
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,560
Oh...

78
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:13,200
Oh, no! Dave bought me these
years ago in Tenerife.

79
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,800
Never mind, it doesn't look
a very expensive pair.

80
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,360
Bye, Linda.

81
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,800
Goodbye, Jeffrey.

82
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,960
Hello, Tom.
You're looking bright and summery.

83
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,720
We're off to the seaside...  Lovely!

84
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,320
Yeah. We're scattering
my cousin's ashes.

85
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,360
I'm sorry,
I didn't know he passed away.

86
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,680
Oh, no, Harry died nine years ago.

87
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,760
No, I've been meaning to get around
to this for a while.

88
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,280
Roxy, would you do my neck
and shoulders?

89
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,040
Why don't you come too?

90
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,440
Oh, I hadn't planned to.

91
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,080
I hadn't planned to neither.
Come on, Sue.

92
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,400
Sue, it would be healthy for you
to be in a new environment.

93
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,520
Linda's right,
you should get out more.

94
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,600
I get out all the time!
I don't mean to the shops.

95
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,560
Come to the seaside.
It's full of raw sewage.

96
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,120
Yeah, it's not French Polynesia.

97
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:14,080
Sue... It took me years after
Gwen died to start doing new things.

98
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:18,360
I'd spent so much time caring
for her after she got sick...

99
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,520
..I forgot how to live.

100
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:27,560
Tom... Choose an outfit, Linda,
we're going to the seaside.

101
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,360
Let's scatter dead Harry.

102
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,440
This is incredible.
Michael, come and have look at this!

103
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:36,560
Michael!

104
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,200
This piano is 570kg!

105
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,400
Michael, look!

106
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,920
Wow, it's so heavy.

107
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,440
Where would you like me
to put it, Mark?

108
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,800
I'll tell you where you can put it.
Put it here for now, mate.

109
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,160
LOUD BUMP
Promise you won't call in sick with back pain?

110
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,440
I promise. Although I won't promise
I won't phone in with a hangover.

111
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,320
FORCED LAUGH

112
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,680
You make jokes!
Michael, did you hear Keith's joke?

113
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,840
Yeah, it didn't make any sense.
No-one calls in with a hangover,

114
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,800
people call in sick
to hide a hangover.

115
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,440
Michael, can I assist you
in any way?

116
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,240
Doubt it.  Then I will utilize

117
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,320
this quiet time
to clean the staff toilet.

118
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,920
Why, did you do a massive shit
in there this morning?

119
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,640
Thanks, Keith. I appreciate it.

120
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,960
Keith is the smartest investment
I've made in a while.

121
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,800
Yeah, sure, it's handy
having a walking forklift.

122
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,760
Keith can do way more than
heavy lifting.

123
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,200
He can play over 20 instruments.
26, to be precise.

124
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,680
I thought you were cleaning
the toilet.  I've finished.

125
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,920
I also play all 26 instruments
to a Grade 7 level.

126
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:47,800
So what?! You have no idea about
how humans connect with music.

127
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:52,520
I mean, I remember listening
to Dark Side of the Moon

128
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:53,880
for the first time.

129
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,160
I remember saving up
to buy a ticket for AC/DC.

130
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,840
It's a language, you don't speak it.

131
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,880
'Sup? You all good?

132
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,240
Yeah, I'm looking for a cheaper
version of Hester Chambers' guitar.

133
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,320
Who?  Hester Chambers, from
English indie rock band Wet Leg.

134
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,880
He only knows that
because he's a robot.

135
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,520
I love their surreal style.

136
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,920
He doesn't love anything,
he's a robot.

137
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,600
Look, look...just because I didn't
know the name of the band,

138
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:22,240
it doesn't...
Michael, let Keith do his job.

139
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,440
Hester Chambers plays a Hofner 173.

140
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,960
His hand's been in the toilet.

141
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,240
Yes! Thank you, Linda.

142
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,520
You ready, Tom?

143
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,000
Linda! Roxy!

144
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,640
Come join us.

145
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,040
Want to say a few words, Tom?

146
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,720
Oh...OK. Um...

147
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,360
Er...

148
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,760
Harry was, er...

149
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,720
..5 foot 10.

150
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,920
Um...

151
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,320
He loved Wet Wet Wet,
he had three of his albums.

152
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,360
Erm...

153
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,640
Either of you want to say something?
We never met him.

154
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,800
5 foot 10 is a good height though.

155
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,040
Thank you.

156
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,000
Linda, have you got
any funeral speeches?

157
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,200
Yes.

158
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,680
"Do not go gentle into that
good night, old age should burn

159
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,840
"and rave a close of day

160
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,920
"Rage, rage against the dying
of the light..."

161
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,320
Have you got something more upbeat?
Yes.

162
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,040
"Cousin Harry knew how to party.

163
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,280
"He had a taste for racy cars...

164
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,240
"and even racier women!"

165
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,280
Actually, Harry was gay.

166
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,120
He was very shy.

167
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,840
And he died of loneliness...

168
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,840
Apparently, the body just shuts down
when it's not being touched.

169
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,760
Linda, maybe a few comforting words.

170
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,840
And a little light music.

171
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,920
Yes.

172
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,560
"Do not stand by my grave and weep,

173
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,360
"I am not there, I do not sleep,

174
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,200
"I am the thousand winds that blow,

175
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,520
"I am the diamond glints on snow.

176
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,520
"I am the sun on ripened grain.

177
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,200
"I am the gentle autumn rain.

178
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,120
"When you awaken
in the morning's hush,

179
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,800
"I am the swift uplifting rush

180
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,200
"Of quiet birds in circled flight,

181
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,520
"I am the soft stars
that shine at night.

182
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,720
"Do not stand by my grave and cry.

183
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,160
"I am not there, I did not die."

184
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,600
One day you're buying
your Wet Wet Wet albums,

185
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,280
and before you know it,
three strangers

186
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,720
and their robots are scattering
your ashes over raw sewage.

187
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,120
Perhaps the funfair
will help elevate your mood.

188
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,600
That's a great idea! Carpe diem!

189
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,560
Well, maybe I'll make
my casserole tomorrow.

190
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,360
That's the spirit!

191
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,680
It's changed a bit.

192
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,880
Right, everybody,
get your laughing gear round that.

193
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,440
I just love funfair food!
It's actually quite nice.

194
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,840
Mm!

195
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,800
I'm thinking of taking Roxy
on the rollercoaster.

196
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,640
I'm not getting on one of those
bloody death traps!

197
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,040
Not after what happened
to that Swedish woman.

198
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:49,200
She'd flown 28 hours to get
to a fun park in Florida,

199
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,760
gets on a rollercoaster,

200
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,760
it derails!

201
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,640
Safety bar goes right through her.

202
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,560
Skewers her like a shish kebab.

203
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,360
I think I've chipped
one of my teeth.

204
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,040
Bled to death.

205
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:07,360
That is why you should never remove
impaled objects.

206
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,360
Oh, my God!

207
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,960
Oh, my God!

208
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,760
It's a toenail!

209
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,480
Give it here, I'll take it back.
They might give us a free one.

210
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,320
Why would I want another hotdog
from them?!

211
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,640
Sue, you are unhappy again.

212
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:27,320
There was a toenail in my hotdog.

213
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,040
I'm ready for a ride. Do you want
to go on a ride, Roxy?

214
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,760
Yes.

215
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,800
Sue, is it time to go on a ride?

216
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,200
I can't face the queues.

217
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,320
The bigger the queue,
the better the ride!

218
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,840
Isn't that what they say, Roxy?

219
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,520
No.  See? Come on,
let's hit the road.

220
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,200
Other funfair activities.

221
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,200
Coconut shy, ghost train,
hook-a-duck...

222
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,560
Oh, isn't she sweet?

223
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,880
Michael used to love getting
his face painted when he was little.

224
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,920
Sue, you could get
your face painted.

225
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,240
No, that's for children.

226
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,680
Or wankers.

227
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,480
Sue, there is no queue
for this ride.

228
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,640
Fortune teller?

229
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,680
Dave and I went to see the fortune
teller when we were first courting.

230
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:20,480
God, that must be...
over 50 years ago!

231
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,800
Would you like a ride
on a fortune teller?

232
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,040
Sue, you shouldn't meddle
with the dark arts.

233
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,920
My friend Lynn Bacon,
she got herself a Ouija board,

234
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,520
a succubus attached itself
to her aura.

235
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,720
I think it might be fun...

236
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,120
All right. Give us your hotdog
and toenail, suit yourself.

237
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:45,400
Tom's right. They're bound
to give me a free ice-cream.

238
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,920
Come on, Linda.

239
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,200
Sit.

240
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,680
Ow! Linda, have you got
a torch or something?

241
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,560
FUTURISTIC SOUND
Argh! Shit, turn it off!

242
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,760
Linda, lights off!

243
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,240
Cross my palm with silver.

244
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,000
How much?

245
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:19,360
20 pounds for ten minutes, 50 for...
20 pounds?!

246
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,120
Do you want communion with
the astral realm or not?

247
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,320
This had better be
top shelf communion...

248
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,440
Now give me your hand.

249
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,840
Do you go to the optician?

250
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,600
I'm 80.

251
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,800
So, yes.

252
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,640
You'll be going again soon.

253
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,040
Sue, she is correct.

254
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,520
Sshh! You are a mother...

255
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,840
of a daughter?

256
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,160
No.

257
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,280
Three sons?  No.
Son and a daughter?  No.

258
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,440
Two daughters?  No.

259
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,840
Who's Margaret?  I don't know.

260
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,800
Are we going to do this
for ten minutes?

261
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,840
I am sensing you're disappointed.

262
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,920
Yes, I am.

263
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,960
You're often disappointed,

264
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,120
by life.

265
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,000
Yeah, I guess, yeah.

266
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,840
You weren't always like this.

267
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,160
No. Just the last few years.

268
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,800
You used to be fun.

269
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,400
I am fun.  But are you?

270
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,680
Yes, I am fun.
Tell her, Linda.

271
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,880
Sue is fun!  In what way?

272
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,960
Sue is fun!

273
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,920
Is this all part
of the 10 minutes?  Yes.

274
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,280
That's not fair,
you're charging us by the minute!

275
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,200
We have been arguing
whether Sue is fun for 19 seconds.

276
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,480
Now 20. 21...
Sshh! I'm getting something.

277
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,240
It's a male energy.
Very dear to you.

278
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,080
I can see a...car.

279
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,480
And the colour...

280
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,000
..yellow.

281
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,320
My...Dave had a yellow Ford
when we first met.

282
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,760
He says he'll send you a sign.

283
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,000
What kind of sign?

284
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,240
SHOUTS:  What kind of sign?

285
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,360
He said that's a great question,
and he needs time to think.

286
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,200
Is this part of the 10 minutes?

287
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,600
I can't make him think faster.

288
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:04,040
Doing anything fun this weekend?
I've got tickets to Hamilton.

289
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,280
We will probably watch Strictly,
we watch Strictly every...

290
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:14,000
Sshh! He says you've lost something,
but don't worry, you'll find it.

291
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,480
Sue, you have lost an earring.
Where will I find it?

292
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,600
He says it will be
in the last place you look.

293
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,640
Yes, it will be in the last place
she looks.

294
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,000
Sshh! He says...

295
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,200
..let go of the past.

296
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:35,440
Remember the happier times,
and try new things...

297
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:45,120
..and open your heart
to life's wondrous possibilities.

298
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,760
Dave said "wondrous"?

299
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,840
I'm paraphrasing.

300
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,640
Will you tell him I'm trying?

301
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,080
Of course.

302
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,240
SHOUTS:  She's trying!

303
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,600
Oh, my God, is that
THE Michael Bevan?

304
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,840
Whoo! Sign my tits!

305
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,600
Stop, stop...
How was sound-check?

306
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,360
Yeah, smashed it.

307
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,560
I met some of the other acts.
They're...

308
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,960
..young.

309
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:27,000
Well, I just wanted to give you
a good luck charm for tonight.

310
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,880
Oh... Thank you.

311
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,160
Wow, it's...beautiful.

312
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,240
This last week,
seeing you prepare for this gig...

313
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,960
I've never seen you this excited
and enthusiastic.

314
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,160
Really?

315
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,080
I'm proud of you, performing
your own original material.

316
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,520
It takes guts.  Yeah, you're right.

317
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,640
I don't know what
I was so scared of.

318
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,560
I should've done this
so much sooner.

319
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,120
Well, you're doing it now.

320
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,400
You are making your dreams happen.

321
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,520
Chris talks a lot
about that at training.

322
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,320
Pursuing a career in music is a bit
harder than teaching martial arts.

323
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,920
Well, they're both dreams.

324
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,200
My dream is heaps harder
than Chris's dream.

325
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,960
Michael, "Holding a grudge
is like drinking poison

326
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,240
"and waiting for
the other person to die."

327
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,760
That's is such a good quote.

328
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,480
Who said that?

329
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,120
It was Chris, wasn't it?

330
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,200
Well, I should practise.

331
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,960
OK, I'll leave you to it.

332
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,600
Wait, aren't you going to put it on?

333
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,640
Hm?

334
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,920
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

335
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,960
You look like Enrique Iglesias!

336
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,000
Who?

337
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,280
You look hot.

338
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,320
I'll be watching you!

339
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,640
Don't take it off!

340
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,480
Linda, do you believe
there's an afterlife?

341
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:19,040
The existence of an afterlife is an
issue of belief, rather than proof.

342
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,640
I got us free ice creams.

343
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,440
Don't worry,
I've checked them for toenails.

344
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,720
Linda, hold this.

345
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,600
Sue, what does ice cream taste like?

346
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,520
It's delicious!

347
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,360
So, what did the fortune teller say?

348
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,960
She said a lot of things.

349
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,840
I think I just really wanted
some sort of sign from Dave.

350
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,040
Yeah.

351
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,320
Did she say anything
about sinkholes?

352
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,640
She's right, Dave would want me
to keep trying new things,

353
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,920
and be...

354
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,600
..happy.  Yeah.

355
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,200
What about megaviruses?

356
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,120
She was also correct that
you are going to the optician soon.

357
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:03,040
She say anything about
rollercoasters derailing?

358
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,480
Ooh!  Sue, you just had
an adrenaline spike.

359
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,960
You are afraid of rollercoasters.
Yes.

360
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,360
Very.  You should be.

361
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,360
Have you ever been on one?
God, no!

362
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,560
They're deathtraps.
They really are.

363
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:19,040
The odds of being injured on
a rollercoaster are...one in...

364
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,920
..24 million.

365
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,080
Wow...

366
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,240
Sue, this would be an opportunity
to try something new.

367
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,280
And fun.

368
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:36,280
Tom! We're coming with you!
Boomers are pushing in.

369
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,000
It's all right, I saved their place.
What are you on about?

370
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,120
Here we go!  Give over.

371
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,680
Thank you.

372
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,760
Oh...

373
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,120
I am proud of you, Sue.

374
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,160
Are you having fun?

375
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,640
Oh...

376
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,960
Fun mode activated.

377
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,840
Doesn't look like this can be
salvaged, though, does it?

378
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,400
Do we now scatter Roxy
on raw sewage?

379
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,680
No, Linda.
Do we throw her in the bin?

380
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,240
There is a bin over there.
Linda, shush.

381
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,280
I had no idea Roxy weighed so much.

382
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,480
Don't feel bad.
It's not your fault.

383
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,440
The sign said it is the robot
owner's responsibility.  Linda...

384
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,280
There were signs everywhere...
Linda, mute!

385
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,440
What if I die like Harry did?

386
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,800
Roxy was the only one
who touches me.

387
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,680
Oh...  What is wrong with you?

388
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,320
I don't mean like that!

389
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,120
Well, I...I could touch you.

390
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:54,560
Sometimes.

391
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,320
Yeah, well, maybe not.

392
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:04,360
Roxy knew exactly how I like my tea,
what time I go to bed,

393
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,200
what time I like to be woken up,

394
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,240
my favourite Strictly judge...

395
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,640
Shirley.  No! Craig!

396
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:17,120
He's brutal, but how else are
the dancers going to learn?

397
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:20,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That was Slutguts!

398
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,920
Slutguts, everybody.

399
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,920
Ok, to close this section,
we've got

400
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,640
an artist you'll definitely
recognise...

401
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:27,840
from the till!

402
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,400
One of Off The Scale's own,
Michael Bevan.

403
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,720
What am I doing? I can't do this,
go and start a fire in the toilets!

404
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,120
You're making your dreams come true.

405
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,160
Now go.

406
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,640
Michael Bevan.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

407
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,960
Thank you... Thank you.

408
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,120
Um...

409
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:58,000
It's not easy being an artist. Um...

410
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,520
You spend most of
your time feeling like shit.

411
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,400
And then there's this
technology replacing us,

412
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,320
because it's faster and cheaper
to steal from humans.

413
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,160
< Yeah!
All right!

414
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,480
I believe in people.

415
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,040
I believe there are things
within us that cannot be mimicked,

416
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,440
or stolen, or learnt by algorithms
for financial gain.

417
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

418
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,080
I wrote this song for someone...

419
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,080
someone very special. Er...

420
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,680
My wife, Renee.

421
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,560
You are the reason I do
what I do, babe.

422
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,160
QUIETLY:  D, D, A...

423
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,040
STARTS PLAYING

424
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,760
And I want to dedicate this song
to anyone out there...

425
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:48,920
..creating.

426
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:57,200
This song...
This song came to me in fragments.

427
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,840
And then...the fragments came
together and they spoke to me.

428
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:11,440
Sorry. Like the...
Like the memory of a dream...

429
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,400

you needed the most?

430
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,440

and the magic is lost...

431
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,000
Keith, is that Bad Day
by Daniel Powter?

432
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,360

gone away

433
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:41,040


434
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,320


435
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,160


436
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,200


437
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,320


438
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,600
Look, I asked Linda for
an original song

439
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,360
and the stupid idiot gave me
an original song...

440
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,960
By Daniel Powter.

441
00:25:58,520 --> 00:25:59,920
Yes.

442
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:04,360
You're always banging on about
being bold and chasing your dreams.

443
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:09,560
This last week, I realised...
I'm shit at this.

444
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,440
Do you have any idea how
soul-destroying it is to realise

445
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,520
that you can't do the one thing
you've always wanted to do?

446
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,160
No.

447
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,880
I'll never play Wembley. I'm never
going to have a number one album.

448
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,520
I'll never be good enough for you.

449
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,560
Wait.

450
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,200
So this was entirely about me?

451
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,360
Well, yeah.

452
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,080
And also me.

453
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,400
That is really hot.

454
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,920
You're not embarrassed?
No.

455
00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:50,280
I'm not.  ROBOTIC VOICE: Here's one
I pretended to write earlier.

456
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,720
LAUGHTER
Good one, Keith!

457
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:55,320
Eat a turd, Keith!

458
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,520
HAD A BAD DAY PLAYS

459
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,080
Woo, Keith!

460
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,600
Don't be so disgusting.
Sorry.

461
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,960
He's amazing!
CHANTING: Keith, Keith, Keith!

462
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,880
He's amazing!

463
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,560
All right, love, I'll do that.
I will.

464
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,760
Nighty-nighty, then.

465
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,120
Linda, it's Michael.

466
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,800
Hello, Michael.

467
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,280
Yes.

468
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,200
Yes. I understand.

469
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,920
I am a dipshit who cannot follow
basic instructions,

470
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,680
and should be smelted for my metals.

471
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,200
Goodnight, Michael!

472
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,880
OK...

473
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,840
Right, well, I'm going to bed, then.

474
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:45,200
Tom can purchase another Roxy,
the T68/700 is an affordable model.

475
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,800
I think he might need
a bit more time.

476
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,440
Humans, we get attached to things.

477
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,120
That's why we find it so hard
to let go.

478
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,560
I know it's difficult to understand
because you're never going to die.

479
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,760
Yes, but I will never get
to taste ice cream.

480
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,760
SUE CHUCKLES

481
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,640
Goodnight, Linda.

482
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,800
Goodnight, Sue.

483
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,800
Don't forget to take your tablets.

484
00:28:07,850 --> 00:28:12,400
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